Do you remember when the song, ‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year’ was meant for Christmas? These days, it seems that you can’t go near any Staples or Office Max back to school aisles in Plano without hearing it! When we were there last week we could swear it was on a loop, playing over and over again across the store’s sound system.
The children who were excited to be getting back to school went about happily picking out their favorite colored folders, notebooks, and supplies. Ever so often a few would glance up at their parents, who were usually singing and swaying to the music, and shake their little heads as though mom and dad had drunk too much coffee that morning. Occasionally, you could see one them making the international sign for ‘gone crazy’ to another child, pointing their fingers towards their ears and then making circles, then pointing with their other hand to their parents. The other child would just nod in agreement and consolation, signaling they were going through the same things themselves.
Then with either, a shoulder nudge as in ‘oh well, or a shake of the head, the kids went back to selecting the perfect statement backpack to make their grand first-day entrance. Parents for their part continued singing, smiling, taking selfies and giving each other high-fives as they glided through their shopping excursions with untapped happiness.
Now that all our children are adults, we no longer need to take this yearly supply store trek. We must say though that it is both amusing and interesting to watch. We wondered if we ever looked that happy when we did. We left the trying to convince ourselves we didn’t and spent the rest of the day trying to get that song out of our head!
Hilarious back to school stories
You don’t have to be a teacher to laugh at these true tales — just being a parent with back to school kids can be enough to relate a bit.
“How do you spell toad?” one of my first-grade students asked.
“We just read a story about a toad,” I said, then helped him spell it out: “T-O-A-D.”
Satisfied, he finished writing the story he’d begun, then read it aloud: “I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday.”
Well, now what do I say?
Earlier this year I was approached by one of my kindergarteners in tears. I asked her what was wrong. “____ just called me a baby!” I called the other little girl over and said,” Did you just call ____a baby?”
“No, no, no!” shouted the little girl. “I said ‘Hey baby!’ You know like the mom said to the dad when she calls him and wants him to come over for the night.”
Can I phone a friend on this one?
After a day of listening to my eighth grader’s exchange gossip, I decided to quote Mark Twain to them: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
After considering my words, one of my students asked, “What does it mean to remove all doubt?”
Ho-Ho-Hold it right there!
As Christmas approached, a boy announced that Santa Claus isn’t real. One of my bright students tearfully said, “Ms. A., he’s disrespecting my religious beliefs!”
My students understand biology
During my eighth-grade sex education class, no one could answer the question “What happens to a young woman during puberty?” So I rephrased it: “What happens to young women as they mature?”
One student answered: “They start to carry a purse.”
Give that child an A!
While grading science tests for her third-grade class, this teacher noticed a memorable response to one of the questions. It said: ‘Please list the three states of matter…’. The reply was, “Texas, Alabama, and Missippi.” The three states THAT matter! HA!
My students have all the answers
Teacher: What is an evangelist?
Student: Someone who plays the evangelo.
Teacher: Why can’t freshwater fish live in salt water?
Student: The salt would give them high blood pressure.
Teacher: Mira went to the library at 5:15 and left at 6:45. How long was Mira at the library?
Student: Not long.
Teacher: What do we call a group of stars that makes an imaginary picture in the sky?
Student: A consternation.
Teacher: List up to five good facts about Abraham Lincoln.
Student: After the war ended, Lincoln took his wife to a show.
He wasn’t wrong after all
Many years ago, when I was teaching 5th grade, I was grading students’ science homework papers. One of the questions was “Who developed the system of naming organisms?” or something like that. Anyway, the correct answer was supposed to be Carl Linnaeus. One of my students wrote ‘Adam’ for his answer. When I questioned him about it, he said he was referring to Adam in the Bible. He had learned in Sunday School that Adam had named all the animals in the Garden of Eden. Guess what? I counted his answer correct!
My students are intent on improving their English skills
For 98 percent of the students at the school where my wife teaches, English is a second language. But that didn’t stop them from giving her Christmas cards. Still, their enthusiasm for the occasion sometimes exceeded their grasp of English. Among the many cards that flooded her desk were: “Happy Birthday, Grandma,” “Get Well Soon,” and “Congratulations on Passing Your Driving Test!”
You gotta love ’em…
Last year’s class was probably the sweetest group of kids I’ve worked with. One day it was getting close to recess and I had a few kids off task. I reminded them that before we could go outside there were certain things that needed to be done and, just for emphasis, I held up my plan book and pointed to the day’s agenda. One little boy’s eyes widened in surprise and he blurted out, “Omigod! You mean you write this stuff down?!”
Keeping track of what’s important
It is a great time for parents and children alike. The wonderful folks at Plano School District work extremely hard to create an environment and calendar that’s conducive to learning and we thank them for all they do.
Here are the full calendar and link to download the calendar to your computer.